I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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