after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
