everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
