Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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