If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You ruined the universe
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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