And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think a kid would responsible me up
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
