Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
