I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
