the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
