Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
