he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
