You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
