I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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