I could make wine with my vomit
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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