I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
