im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
id be glad to
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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