She is in my trunk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it glows. i had to have it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
