I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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