I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
