I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
