So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
