rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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