everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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