So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
