Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
