I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
