I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
