Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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