I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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