I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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