Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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