Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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