i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
