tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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