I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
