I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Acid is not a monday night drug
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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