If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
