My liver just broke up with me...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
