So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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