theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
