I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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