You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
