Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
