lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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