I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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