Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
