I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
