WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize