I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
