I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
