Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
