i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize