one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize