So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
