dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
