lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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