Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
