Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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