Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
