Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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