i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
