Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
