clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
